M.
Smooth sailing in wild waters?
Me and V have been seeing each other for 2 months already and things are great. However, we still haven't defined our relationship or whatever this is. We don't see other people that isn't the problem, the problem is that I've gone soft. All I want to do is hug him, kiss him and even talk to him. The thing is I don't usually trust guys like that, not since my ex, but this one is different. Everything is so natural and easy with him and I know that this isn't really the subject of this blog but I still have to share it.
We act as if we were in an actual relationship. See? It's not ''me and him'' anymore, it's ''we''. So why hasn't he popped the question? I don't know really, I wish I knew...
Plan for tomorrow is to have that awkward ''so where is this going'' talk and that's usually not my thing. I'm nervous already to be honest. My hands are shaking but I have to do this. In matter of hours (maybe days) I will let you know if this party girl is coming back single and crazier than ever or if I will settle with my beautiful man who is just as crazy and passionate as I am.
Wish me luck!
petak, 14. kolovoza 2015.
subota, 25. srpnja 2015.
Chapter 3.2
A.
A party girl has fallen in love
Yes, I did. I know what you are thinking…. Was I ever a party girl? Yes, my friends I was. When I first started to write this part of my life story I hated myself cos I went a little to wild. I will put the draft here so you can see how much has changed.
*Can a party girl become less of a party more of a girl? Can she realize that she needs to calm down? Yes, this can happen. How? Well, something happens and she realizes that she has just crossed the line. And I did. I became too wild or as how I call it "stupid". I thought everything I ever did was justified but it wasn't. I did stupid things and I would tell myself that it's ok cos I'm young. But I realized the only person I lied to was myself. I became the person I swore to never be. What happened? I was at the Sea side with my favourite cousin and we invited some guy Friends without telling our parents. Let's say things got a little crazy, me hooking up with one of our friends, me and my cousin throwing up, my mum coming to Save us. It was Crazy and it got only worse.*
But it did not. Not really. The boy that I just thought of as a mistake became my new love. Well not love, love. But I am in love with him. He makes me feel happy and warm and it feels like home. When he looks me in the eyes all I see is him. It is like we are the only two people there. And there was like 7 more people in the room. Not much but still. And he has the cutest smile ever. You see, I thought I would never ever fall in love again. Just a couple a days ago I had a deep talk with my best friend, my brother ,Keky. He told me he felt the same way, that he can not love and have feels for someone after his ex left him for another man. And I said how I can never trust a man again after my ex broke my heart for the fourth time. I know it is not all on him, I was stupid enough to trust him after everything. But yes anyways, now I have a new crush and I am afraid that my crush is going to be a crash. Last night I went out just cos of him. And we hooked up. I told him that I was afraid of falling in love with him (even though I already am) , and he said that he does not want me to fall for him. And why you might ask. Because he is fucked up and is not ready to be somebodies boyfriend. And by falling for him I would hurt me and him because he does not want me to be sad. THAN FALL IN LOVE WITH ME YOU DUMMY. Now I just don’t know what to do. I am torn apart between running away from him or staying with him in this, whatever this is. By running away I would hurt myself, but whit staying, he would hurt me. So I lose anyways. I am a very feels kind of girl and I know myself very well. I am going to be stupid (again) and let him hurt me. Why? Because in the long run I would rather hurt with him than to be without him. A party girl has fallen in love and she is about to get her heart broken again. What is it with us girls that we let boys control us? Why is it that we would do anything to be with them and that we would settle for less. "We accept the love we think we deserve" Yes I just used a quote from a movie. And it is true. We think low of ourselves and than we take what we get. Not thinking if we deserve more. And we do. YOU deserve that someone loves you as much as you love him, that he treats you just as good as you treat them. That’s what it’s all about. Us girls need to step up our game and realize that we don’t have to settle. Whit all of that being said you are probably thinking how I am going to do the right thing here and run away from this fuck boy. But no, no I will not. Because I am stupid and in love. But don’t be like me. Say no to settling and if not we shall cry together my friends.
A party girl has fallen in love
Yes, I did. I know what you are thinking…. Was I ever a party girl? Yes, my friends I was. When I first started to write this part of my life story I hated myself cos I went a little to wild. I will put the draft here so you can see how much has changed.
*Can a party girl become less of a party more of a girl? Can she realize that she needs to calm down? Yes, this can happen. How? Well, something happens and she realizes that she has just crossed the line. And I did. I became too wild or as how I call it "stupid". I thought everything I ever did was justified but it wasn't. I did stupid things and I would tell myself that it's ok cos I'm young. But I realized the only person I lied to was myself. I became the person I swore to never be. What happened? I was at the Sea side with my favourite cousin and we invited some guy Friends without telling our parents. Let's say things got a little crazy, me hooking up with one of our friends, me and my cousin throwing up, my mum coming to Save us. It was Crazy and it got only worse.*
But it did not. Not really. The boy that I just thought of as a mistake became my new love. Well not love, love. But I am in love with him. He makes me feel happy and warm and it feels like home. When he looks me in the eyes all I see is him. It is like we are the only two people there. And there was like 7 more people in the room. Not much but still. And he has the cutest smile ever. You see, I thought I would never ever fall in love again. Just a couple a days ago I had a deep talk with my best friend, my brother ,Keky. He told me he felt the same way, that he can not love and have feels for someone after his ex left him for another man. And I said how I can never trust a man again after my ex broke my heart for the fourth time. I know it is not all on him, I was stupid enough to trust him after everything. But yes anyways, now I have a new crush and I am afraid that my crush is going to be a crash. Last night I went out just cos of him. And we hooked up. I told him that I was afraid of falling in love with him (even though I already am) , and he said that he does not want me to fall for him. And why you might ask. Because he is fucked up and is not ready to be somebodies boyfriend. And by falling for him I would hurt me and him because he does not want me to be sad. THAN FALL IN LOVE WITH ME YOU DUMMY. Now I just don’t know what to do. I am torn apart between running away from him or staying with him in this, whatever this is. By running away I would hurt myself, but whit staying, he would hurt me. So I lose anyways. I am a very feels kind of girl and I know myself very well. I am going to be stupid (again) and let him hurt me. Why? Because in the long run I would rather hurt with him than to be without him. A party girl has fallen in love and she is about to get her heart broken again. What is it with us girls that we let boys control us? Why is it that we would do anything to be with them and that we would settle for less. "We accept the love we think we deserve" Yes I just used a quote from a movie. And it is true. We think low of ourselves and than we take what we get. Not thinking if we deserve more. And we do. YOU deserve that someone loves you as much as you love him, that he treats you just as good as you treat them. That’s what it’s all about. Us girls need to step up our game and realize that we don’t have to settle. Whit all of that being said you are probably thinking how I am going to do the right thing here and run away from this fuck boy. But no, no I will not. Because I am stupid and in love. But don’t be like me. Say no to settling and if not we shall cry together my friends.
nedjelja, 19. srpnja 2015.
Chapter 3.1
M.
You can't keep a bad girl down, or can you?
It's been a while since my last update and a lot of things happened. I will start with a quarrel in the former squad. That's right, former. We got in a fight because other 2 girls talked badly behind our backs but that's not the topic of this post.
As far as situation with V goes, here is the thing - we hooked up. Twice. I heard that he likes me but last night he told me that he doesn't want to commit to anyone. You're wondering why should this be important as I am the ultimate party girl, right? Well, I fell in love and I fell bad. I fell for him so much that I don't even see any other guy besides him. I got all soft and fuzzy on the inside. When I'm with him everything is like slow-motion, like we have whole eternity ahead of us and we take no rush to come to the end of it.
Last night, when we hooked up, we didn't even kiss or touch each other as much as we talked and laughed. Entire night was spent in his arms. Which is actually the problem. Why? Because it felt like home, it felt like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I didn't want to leave his arms. Gosh, I can still smell him on my clothes, feel his breath on my neck, and hear his laugh. I'm in too deep and I don't know what to do. Frankly, I'm scared. I'm scared of feeling. I'm scared of love in general and the reason why is because I know how it ends.
I don't know if I'm making much sense, or if you can get how I feel but I don't really care. It's just the way it is. This bad girl has been tranquilized for time being.
You can't keep a bad girl down, or can you?
It's been a while since my last update and a lot of things happened. I will start with a quarrel in the former squad. That's right, former. We got in a fight because other 2 girls talked badly behind our backs but that's not the topic of this post.
As far as situation with V goes, here is the thing - we hooked up. Twice. I heard that he likes me but last night he told me that he doesn't want to commit to anyone. You're wondering why should this be important as I am the ultimate party girl, right? Well, I fell in love and I fell bad. I fell for him so much that I don't even see any other guy besides him. I got all soft and fuzzy on the inside. When I'm with him everything is like slow-motion, like we have whole eternity ahead of us and we take no rush to come to the end of it.
Last night, when we hooked up, we didn't even kiss or touch each other as much as we talked and laughed. Entire night was spent in his arms. Which is actually the problem. Why? Because it felt like home, it felt like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I didn't want to leave his arms. Gosh, I can still smell him on my clothes, feel his breath on my neck, and hear his laugh. I'm in too deep and I don't know what to do. Frankly, I'm scared. I'm scared of feeling. I'm scared of love in general and the reason why is because I know how it ends.
I don't know if I'm making much sense, or if you can get how I feel but I don't really care. It's just the way it is. This bad girl has been tranquilized for time being.
ponedjeljak, 15. lipnja 2015.
Chapter 2.1
M
I heard you that you like the bad girls.
What would be world's biggest source of problems? In my opinion this devious thing is nothing else but love.
After being dumped, I was drinking heavily. Somewhere between my adventures my squad and I met a group of guys (we will call the Squad 1.2) and they actually liked us with all our let's say promiscuous actions. One of my friends let's call her T started fancying one of those boys who will be called V.
So where am I going with this?
I like him too. And I mean really like because I had had the biggest crush on him for 2 years (before I became bad).
T is, so to say, good girl and let's be honest she isn't exactly the prettiest doll in the doll house. In other words she isn't visually attractive. Or any kind of attractive, actually. Maybe I'm saying that because we like the same guy and I see it as a competition, but my point of view might clarify this whole situation.
On the other hand, V has the body of a Greek god and face of an angel. And... He likes bad girls. Obviously I would be the logical choice, you know it, I know it, he knows it, everybody knows it.
So where is the problem? Why don't I climb that like a tree?
1) She called dibs first
2) She isn't the toughest girl out there
3) She would hate me
Should I make a sacrifice of my own heart in order to see her happy for a night or should I sell her out for my chance for love?
It is a tough choice, but we are all going out tomorrow and maybe then I will know what should I do. Wish me luck.
I heard you that you like the bad girls.
What would be world's biggest source of problems? In my opinion this devious thing is nothing else but love.
After being dumped, I was drinking heavily. Somewhere between my adventures my squad and I met a group of guys (we will call the Squad 1.2) and they actually liked us with all our let's say promiscuous actions. One of my friends let's call her T started fancying one of those boys who will be called V.
So where am I going with this?
I like him too. And I mean really like because I had had the biggest crush on him for 2 years (before I became bad).
T is, so to say, good girl and let's be honest she isn't exactly the prettiest doll in the doll house. In other words she isn't visually attractive. Or any kind of attractive, actually. Maybe I'm saying that because we like the same guy and I see it as a competition, but my point of view might clarify this whole situation.
On the other hand, V has the body of a Greek god and face of an angel. And... He likes bad girls. Obviously I would be the logical choice, you know it, I know it, he knows it, everybody knows it.
So where is the problem? Why don't I climb that like a tree?
1) She called dibs first
2) She isn't the toughest girl out there
3) She would hate me
Should I make a sacrifice of my own heart in order to see her happy for a night or should I sell her out for my chance for love?
It is a tough choice, but we are all going out tomorrow and maybe then I will know what should I do. Wish me luck.
utorak, 9. lipnja 2015.
Chapter 1.2
A
How do I put this nicely? You know that girl that does random hookups and drinks way toooo much and you think to yourself "Omg she should just stop"
Well yeah I'm that girl. Did I want to beee one? NO! Do I regret being one? Sometimes. But I think I should tell you why did I become this Party girl you love and hate.
It all started cos of a boy (typical girl stuff). He was my first love and then he broke my heart. The first year I was doing fine,regular girl failing math. Then summer came and we got back together and than he broke my heart again. It all started then. I started drinking and I was trying to find him in other guys...
How do I put this nicely? You know that girl that does random hookups and drinks way toooo much and you think to yourself "Omg she should just stop"
Well yeah I'm that girl. Did I want to beee one? NO! Do I regret being one? Sometimes. But I think I should tell you why did I become this Party girl you love and hate.
It all started cos of a boy (typical girl stuff). He was my first love and then he broke my heart. The first year I was doing fine,regular girl failing math. Then summer came and we got back together and than he broke my heart again. It all started then. I started drinking and I was trying to find him in other guys...
Chapter 1.1
M
All of my life I was know as that girl. I was that girl who drinks too much. I was that girl who kisses too much. All around I was that girl. Well, I still am. What you're about to read aren't confessions of the good girl. You are about to read confessions of some other kind; confessions of a party girl and what lies underneath it all.
Let me start at the very beginning.
Once upon a time there was a happy and naive little girl, young M as you know her. She was mistreated, to put it softly. As days gone by, she was getting colder and colder, led by betrayal of everyone she ever loved. Soon she found a friend of a different kind and his name was cognac. She met all of his friends who loved her and God knows she loved them back. That's how she met her human friends, and enemies. Or should I say, that's how I met all of my friends, more or less.
All of my life I was know as that girl. I was that girl who drinks too much. I was that girl who kisses too much. All around I was that girl. Well, I still am. What you're about to read aren't confessions of the good girl. You are about to read confessions of some other kind; confessions of a party girl and what lies underneath it all.
Let me start at the very beginning.
Once upon a time there was a happy and naive little girl, young M as you know her. She was mistreated, to put it softly. As days gone by, she was getting colder and colder, led by betrayal of everyone she ever loved. Soon she found a friend of a different kind and his name was cognac. She met all of his friends who loved her and God knows she loved them back. That's how she met her human friends, and enemies. Or should I say, that's how I met all of my friends, more or less.
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