A.
A
party girl has fallen in love
Yes, I did. I know what you are thinking…. Was I ever a party girl? Yes,
my friends I was. When I first started to write this part of my life
story I hated myself cos I went a little to wild. I will put the draft
here so you can see how much has changed.
*Can a party girl become less of a party more of a girl? Can she realize
that she needs to calm down? Yes, this can happen.
How?
Well, something happens and she realizes that she has just crossed the
line. And I did. I became too wild or as how I call it "stupid". I
thought everything I ever did was justified but it wasn't. I did stupid
things and I would tell myself that it's ok cos I'm young. But I
realized the only person I lied to was myself. I became the person I
swore to never be.
What happened?
I was at the Sea side with my favourite cousin and we invited some guy
Friends without telling our parents. Let's say things got a little
crazy, me hooking up with one of our friends, me and my cousin throwing
up, my mum coming to Save us. It was Crazy and it got only worse.*
But it did not. Not really. The boy that I just thought of as a mistake
became my new love. Well not love, love. But I am in love with him. He
makes me feel happy and warm and it feels like home. When he looks me in
the eyes all I see is him. It is like we are the only two people there.
And there was like 7 more people in the room. Not much but still. And
he has the cutest smile ever. You see, I thought I would never ever
fall in love again. Just a couple a days ago I had a deep talk with my
best friend, my brother ,Keky. He told me he felt the same way, that he
can not love and have feels for someone after his ex left him for
another man. And I said how I can never trust a man again after my ex
broke my heart for the fourth time. I know it is not all on him, I was
stupid enough to trust him after everything. But yes anyways, now I have
a new crush and I am afraid that my crush is going to be a crash. Last
night I went out just cos of him. And we hooked up. I told him that I
was afraid of falling in love with him (even though I already am) , and
he said that he does not want me to fall for him. And why you might ask.
Because he is fucked up and is not ready to be somebodies boyfriend.
And by falling for him I would hurt me and him because he does not want
me to be sad. THAN FALL IN LOVE WITH ME YOU DUMMY. Now I just don’t know
what to do. I am torn apart between running away from him or staying
with him in this, whatever this is. By running away I would hurt myself,
but whit staying, he would hurt me. So I lose anyways. I am a very
feels kind of girl and I know myself very well. I am going to be stupid
(again) and let him hurt me. Why? Because in the long run I would rather
hurt with him than to be without him. A party girl has fallen in love
and she is about to get her heart broken again.
What is it with us girls that we let boys control us? Why is it that we
would do anything to be with them and that we would settle for less.
"We accept the love we think we deserve"
Yes I just used a quote from a movie. And it is true. We think low of
ourselves and than we take what we get. Not thinking if we deserve more.
And we do. YOU deserve that someone loves you as much as you love him,
that he treats you just as good as you treat them. That’s what it’s all
about. Us girls need to step up our game and realize that we don’t have
to settle. Whit all of that being said you are probably thinking how I
am going to do the right thing here and run away from this fuck boy. But
no, no I will not. Because I am stupid and in love. But don’t be like
me. Say no to settling and if not we shall cry together my friends.
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