Chapter 3.2

A.

A party girl has fallen in love 

 Yes, I did. I know what you are thinking…. Was I ever a party girl? Yes, my friends I was. When I first started to write this part of my life story I hated myself cos I went a little to wild. I will put the draft here so you can see how much has changed.
 *Can a party girl become less of a party more of a girl? Can she realize that she needs to calm down? Yes, this can happen. How? Well, something happens and she realizes that she has just crossed the line. And I did. I became too wild or as how I call it "stupid". I thought everything I ever did was justified but it wasn't. I did stupid things and I would tell myself that it's ok cos I'm young. But I realized the only person I lied to was myself. I became the person I swore to never be. What happened? I was at the Sea side with my favourite cousin and we invited some guy Friends without telling our parents. Let's say things got a little crazy, me hooking up with one of our friends, me and my cousin throwing up, my mum coming to Save us. It was Crazy and it got only worse.* 
But it did not. Not really. The boy that I just thought of as a mistake became my new love. Well not love, love. But I am in love with him. He makes me feel happy and warm and it feels like home. When he looks me in the eyes all I see is him. It is like we are the only two people there. And there was like 7 more people in the room. Not much but still. And he has the cutest smile ever. You see, I thought I would never ever fall in love again. Just a couple a days ago I had a deep talk with my best friend, my brother ,Keky. He told me he felt the same way, that he can not love and have feels for someone after his ex left him for another man. And I said how I can never trust a man again after my ex broke my heart for the fourth time. I know it is not all on him, I was stupid enough to trust him after everything. But yes anyways, now I have a new crush and I am afraid that my crush is going to be a crash. Last night I went out just cos of him. And we hooked up. I told him that I was afraid of falling in love with him (even though I already am) , and he said that he does not want me to fall for him. And why you might ask. Because he is fucked up and is not ready to be somebodies boyfriend. And by falling for him I would hurt me and him because he does not want me to be sad. THAN FALL IN LOVE WITH ME YOU DUMMY. Now I just don’t know what to do. I am torn apart between running away from him or staying with him in this, whatever this is. By running away I would hurt myself, but whit staying, he would hurt me. So I lose anyways. I am a very feels kind of girl and I know myself very well. I am going to be stupid (again) and let him hurt me. Why? Because in the long run I would rather hurt with him than to be without him. A party girl has fallen in love and she is about to get her heart broken again. What is it with us girls that we let boys control us? Why is it that we would do anything to be with them and that we would settle for less. "We accept the love we think we deserve" Yes I just used a quote from a movie. And it is true. We think low of ourselves and than we take what we get. Not thinking if we deserve more. And we do. YOU deserve that someone loves you as much as you love him, that he treats you just as good as you treat them. That’s what it’s all about. Us girls need to step up our game and realize that we don’t have to settle. Whit all of that being said you are probably thinking how I am going to do the right thing here and run away from this fuck boy. But no, no I will not. Because I am stupid and in love. But don’t be like me. Say no to settling and if not we shall cry together my friends.

Chapter 3.1

M.
You can't keep a bad girl down, or can you?


 It's been a while since my last update and a lot of things happened. I will start with a quarrel in the former squad. That's right, former. We got in a fight because other 2 girls talked badly behind our backs but that's not the topic of this post.
 As far as situation with V goes, here is the thing - we hooked up. Twice. I heard that he likes me but last night he told me that he doesn't want to commit to anyone. You're wondering why should this be important as I am the ultimate party girl, right? Well, I fell in love and I fell bad. I fell for him so much that I don't even see any other guy besides him. I got all soft and fuzzy on the inside. When I'm with him everything is like slow-motion, like we have whole eternity ahead of us and we take no rush to come to the end of it.
 Last night, when we hooked up, we didn't even kiss or touch each other as much as we talked and laughed. Entire night was spent in his arms. Which is actually the problem. Why? Because it felt like home, it felt like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and I didn't want to leave his arms. Gosh, I can still smell him on my clothes, feel his breath on my neck, and hear his laugh. I'm in too deep and I don't know what to do. Frankly, I'm scared. I'm scared of feeling. I'm scared of love in general and the reason why is because I know how it ends.
 I don't know if I'm making much sense, or if you can get how I feel but I don't really care. It's just the way it is. This bad girl has been tranquilized for time being.